I was born to a wheatish father and a "maaniram" mom. Maaniram means not so dark in Tamil. But I was born dark. Lucky or unlucky, i did not know and i still do not know. My siblings were all born fair. I think many South Indian homes have siblings of different colours. I was teased mercilessly as blacky, beggar girl, throw away. While our parents and siblings try not to prick it like the general world, is it really enough? A slur which the world can use easily and hurts deeply. To handle the so many scars on something you are least responsible for I have a mask on and sometimes i truly do not know which is real while i was growing. As you grow older, the phobia is much entrenched in the hearts of people is what i find out.
After a game, i would be asked to scrub harder as the dirt could hide in me. Some not so good looking fair girls would like to keep your company so that this colour crazed Indian society can discriminate further. I have had instances, where i have been made to wait, inspite of being first in queue or being intelligent or won a prize but were
things handed over to fairer girls in fairs, shops, jobs etc., Not to mention that you are never part of a dance or drama in the lead role as it is reserved only for the fair and handsome. When i look at all the Indian serials leave alone the cinemas, the heroines need to be fair and beautiful, this does not apply for the men. I am unable to comprehend this. So is this a slur forced down my throat by a patriarchial society or is it a beauty crazy female community and industry, who has been nourished by the partriarchs. Either way i am at the recieving end.
But there are some who chose to fill my life with cute praises as i have often been called a "Black Beauty". The colour which is accepted in an animal and even cherished, is not accepted on a human. I know of so many dark women out there who do not take care of their appearance and health, as they are stuck by these comments and comfort themselves, that anyways they are not going to be beautiful as they are dark. There is a flip side to this, there are some women who feel disgruntled by this marginalization, but there are many of us who I have found to be eternally optimistic. Many since when we were born the pushing down was on us, we chose to raise up. I would like to thank all the shit that i had thrown down on me. I am strong, fit, healthy and above all DARK. I AM BEUTIFUL AND I CHOOSE TO BE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT.
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